Always a Sibling 1 year later

Love from readers, discomfort with promotion, and a wish for the future.

Tomorrow marks one year since Always a Sibling was published. It feels both shorter and longer, as these things often do. And as hard as it was to write a book, and to deeply research and interrogate the worst thing that has ever happened to me and my family, in many ways this year has felt harder.

When I’m researching, I become immersed in the stories. Fueled by the experiences of the surviving siblings I surveyed and interviewed, their words running through my head like a soundtrack to my own adventure. I didn’t think of sales or promotion, only doing right by them; doing right by Ben. The idea of getting his own words into a book, something he dreamed of doing himself, bolstered me. It was a safe space where I could disappear to swim in a sea of raw emotion and start to connect the dots between seemingly disparate experiences of sibling-hood and sibling loss.

My writing process involves an almost comical amount of index cards

Once the work of creating the book was complete, I was left spinning. A week after the book came out I found myself bawling while my husband drove me around LA, unable to breath through the sobs. I don’t remember the last time I had cried that hard (which is saying a lot, I’m a crier). It was catharsis, for sure, but it was also a feeling of abandonment. Now that the book was out in the world, what did I have left? I’d been working on it for years and now it was just - done? I wonder if this is how I’ll feel as an empty nester, but thankfully I have years before I’ll have to face that one.

Young fans of Always a Sibling

The work of selling and promoting a book, as it turns out, is FAR outside my comfort zone. I’ve found myself in countless conversations where sibling loss comes up and yet I can’t even bring myself to mention the book because I’m afraid it sounds like I’m capitalizing on a tragedy. Nothing makes me turn into an awkward puddle faster than asking me to talk about my book.

I know, with every fiber of my being, that this book can help so many; why can’t I just say that?

Why can’t I scream it from the rooftops?

What is stopping me from promoting this book until I lose my breath?

I am stopping me, of course. I’m the one getting in my own way. Isn’t that how it always goes? We are our own worst enemy.

I am committed to getting out of my comfort zone and continuing to help Always a Sibling find its home because of YOU, dear reader. Because if the messages you’ve sent me this year, the messages that have reminded me that Ben and I can make a difference; that our stories can heal.

Thank you all for coming on this wild ride with me. I hope this book has helped you in some small way. If it has; will you tell me about it? Comment, message, email, snail mail, pigeon carrier - I don’t care, I’ll read it all. Those experiences will help push me to ensure Always a Sibling finds even more readers who need its message. And hey - if you know if an event or organization that could benefit from a partnership, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We built this together, and we’ll keep it alive together too.

Always,

Annie